This is how i disappear

Well, i’m not going to disappear for real.. at least not for now.
I feel so frustrated, Since lunch i’ve been feeling so terrible, emotionally speaking. I have this sensation in my chest, like there’s si something that pushes you and you can’t really move much like something heavy that is slowly piercing you. I’ve felt this before, and i didn’t end well the last time. I just hate feeling like this so much.
But i know there’s nothing i can do. It always take time for things to be okay again, but sometimes i feel like i don’t want ot wait anymore. I want thing to be okay for real, just once. I’m not asking much i just want to have a chance with somebody. I’m tired of trying so much to be different and to be accepted, i am so tired of trying to look “normal” to society and so tired of bad looks everywhere.
Yes, it might be my fault. I know it’s my mind which puts all of this thoughts in my mind, but i just want everything to be okay. I want not to be in control of every situation, of every moment and i want to feel comfortable with that. I just want to be like anybody else, take situations lightly and not worrying this much. I want to stop overthinking everything and wanting to hit myself for my behaviour.
I want to love and to be loved. I am tired of falling in love with people that it is no good for me, or people who is definetely out of my way. I want my love to returned. I don’t want to be ashamed of what i feel and always trying to disimulate it. It sucks so much.
It sucks so much to be me. I’ve tried a lot of things to change myself. And yes, it works. But for a few weeks, or months. But in the end, i’m always the same. The same shy girl who gets embarrased at everything and that regrets everything she says, and that it’s so afraid of not being corresponded. I’m so afraid of being hurt that i fall in love with impossible persons. Yeah, guys who are either in the other side of the country or who are like 10 years older or who are dating someone i know. I subconsciosnly do that because i’m so afraid to be loved. But i want that so much at the same. But it’s so much worse. I save it up to myself for months, because when i say it people think i’m joking. It’s not possible to be THIS messed up. But i’m actually not joking. So i save it for myself, until i explode. And there is not a perosn who can hold this. This is my only way out, people around me are not prepare to listen for all this shit, and i they were, i wouldn’t make me feel better.
I just want to be good enough for someone, i know i can. But i’m so tired of trying,
I feel like a selfish jealous shit when i see all my friends moving on and being so happy. But it’s not like i don’t move on. I actually did, but there’s a moment when everybody is gone with their happy lives and i’m still here. Waiting. I feel like i’m stuck in a hole and everybody has this 4×4 car and they go over me and splash me with water. And i’m still here trying all the time. And if i don’t try more it’s because i’m so embarrased and so anxious and afraid of doing something so wrong and out of place that people would stop talking to me. I am so sorry for this pitty and horrible post. But i found this way out better that others, trying to change habits.
I just wish not to be the only one trying.
Sorry again.

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Some spanish literature…

Today i found myself reading one of the essays i have to read for University, and i found it really interesting, i couldn’t find a translation in English but i just felt like posting it here though.

This is a part from an Essay from the writer Beatriz Sarlo, a famous writer from Argentina that talks a lot about translations, the looks and body language in society. That’s what i liked about this, how it express with words some matters that can’t be explain because it is things that just happen. How a person can communicate with someone through their eyes and how they’re looking at someone. So, i hope you enjoy it.

 

Capítulo VI. Los ojos que hablan: códigos del cuerpo y la mirada.

Yo no sé qué me han hecho tus ojos.

F. CANARO.

El amor tiene sus mensajeros y sus lenguajes, figuras convencionales que intervienen en una red de preguntas y respuestas, de gestos y de prácticas. La literatura los toma, los reinventa, los generaliza y les da amplia difusión social. El amor posee muchos lenguajes: las flores, las cartas, los objetos, el baile, los movimientos de las manos, las miradas. Estos lenguajes participan de una semiótica social, necesaria para  la manifestación del imaginario colectivo: la forma en que la gente puede enamorarse y de quién tiene el marco de este sistema de significaciones y de prácticas simbólicas. La semiótica del cuerpo (su representación literaria y gráfica) proporciona una imagen social, trabajada desde la estética y la ideología. Esta imagen social del cuerpo tiene zonas privilegiadas, hipersignificativas, zonas que se esfuman en el claroscuro de su relativa importancia y otras directamente anuladas en el imaginario erótico colectivo.

Estas redes semióticas trazan las líneas de posibilidad de una relación entre los sexos. Marcan a través de qué zonas del cuerpo pueden comenzar las relaciones, cuáles son los puntos nodales del enamoramiento, cuáles las zonas de peligro o las directamente reprimidas. El lenguaje del amor construye su simbiosis a partir de materiales ideológicos y experienciales: las costumbres que distinguen lo permitido, lo prohibido, lo dudoso, los modos de encuentro y contacto entre hombres y mujeres y su diferenciación según se trate de la etapa del flirt, del noviazgo o de la conquista fácil. También se diferencian los mensajes emitidos por hombres y mujeres y su forma de decodificación; el nivel de cifrado es posible que sea más alto en las segundas que en los primeros. Toda la construcción social del lenguaje y los gestos del amor son material que pasa a la literatura, y las narraciones semanales le dan un lugar importante en el proceso de conversión de lenguaje colectivo en simbiosis literaria.

El lenguaje del flirt y del festejo opera una parcelación corporal, por la que los ojos se transforman en instrumento principal de comunicación. Los ojos son también el centro de la expresividad y una de las bases más sólidas de la belleza femenina. Las narraciones semanales tienen una teoría de la mirada: los ojos dicen más que las palabras y sobre todo hablan cuando las palabras, a causa  de diferentes obstáculos, no son posibles entre quienes aún no se conocen, pero pueden manifestar, por los ojos, la voluntad de conocerse; son también mensajeros entre aquellos que no deben enviarse mensajes sentimentales, por razones morales, sociales, de parentesco, etcétera.

La mirada puede ser tan significativa, tan cargada, que el escándalo del amor fulminante brota de ella. Voy a recurrir a otras memorias, lejanísimas del tono trivial de Julia Bunge, pero contemporáneas respecto del mundo representado. Victoria Ocampo relata el encuentro con quien años después será su amante (y el gran amor de su vida) con un juego de miradas que, por su intensidad, la joven teme que haya sido leído por todos los presentes. Pero además formula una teoría de la mirada y de su función en el nacimiento del amor: “Si la mirada es uno de los grandes temas de Tristán, no es por capricho wagneriano. La mirada es el punto de partida, la raíz. No se concibe el amor de esos amantes sin esa primera mirada. El tema vuelve en el Preludio con tanta insistencia como el del deseo, el del filtro de amor y el de la muerte”.

La mirada y los ojos son, entonces, centros de doble expresión y comunicación, además de imanes del deseo erótico. Por ejemplo, en la novela de Anita Dlugovistky, Amores en fuga, la autora describe un encuentro de los amantes, a través de la mirada de la protagonista, de la siguiente manera: “Estabas allí, sentado junto a otras personas en una mesa del bar. Te vi desde lejos mientras acomodaba papeles nerviosamente, intentando un burdo disimulo. Pero arrastré mi cuerpo hacia tu lado. Buscando y huyendo, tropecé con tu mirada, que se clavó en mí. Y en ese instante, algo se quebró, algo se disparó, algo cayó. Y me quedé ahí, desnuda ante tus ojos, sin pantalla y sin mediación. El acto, una entrega. Solo pude esgrimir un gesto torpe, emulando un saludo. Las leyes de la buena educación. Hoy despierto ese recuerdo profundo, candente, que tus ojos oscuros, penetrantes me infligieron, devastando  mi mundo de cartón“

Como en este caso, en relatos donde la posibilidad de relaciones trabadas es evidente, el lenguaje de la mirada es decisivo para la trama. Porque no podría haber intriga amorosa si aquellos que no pueden conocerse por la intermediación social, no dispusieran de un lenguaje mudo: el de la mirada.

2014 Oscars favorites

So the day has finally come. I’ve watched all of the nominated films (except for Nebraska and Captain Phillips because i couldn’t get the subtitles.. so it’ll have to wait) and in this post i’ll make a tiny review of each movie nominated for best movie, and i’ll say wich are my favourites for each category.

AMERICAN HUSTLE: Starred by Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Amy Adams, Jennifer   Lawrence and Jeremy Renner it starts as is if it a light comedy, with strong characters but just to have a laugh. But for a comedy, i believe that it is too complex and dramatic. I did not enjoy this movie as i was expecting too, maybe i had very high expectations (i’m a big fan of Lawrence and O. Rusell). So, yes i think that it is quite a good movie but only because of the characters that are so well developed and each of them has strong background stories. But the story itself, i did not quite like     

 

PHILOMENA: Starred by Steve Coogan and Judi Dench. It is based on a true story. I saw this one last night and i have to say that it is one  of my favourites. It is absolutely obvious that both Coogan and Dench delivered superb performances, both very touching and cynic at the same tame. Besides, i really like the story. I think that they find the way to make a kind of biographic, melancholic and kind of sad story into a very beautiful tale and sometimes – plenty of times- really funny. As i said before, i laugh, cry and got angry towards some characters too, so definetely a wonderful movie.

DALLAS BUYERS CLUB:  Starred by Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto. Also based in a true story. I believe that this movie, as Philomena, is also a mixture between some comedy and drama. Of course the dramatic climax exceeds the comedy, but Jared Leto makes sure that the audience has some time to laugh. I was really interesting in the story behind this movie, so that’s why i think that i find it really enjoyable. Also, teh charactherisations of both Leto and Matthew are amazing.  I mean, if i didn’t knew who Jared was, i’d probably think she was a very manly woman. He just fixed in the role. And Matthew,  O M G , he looked so consumed and old and his performance was really reliable. All my claps to this movie.

12 YEARS A SLAVE:

 Once again, based on a true story. Starred by such incredible actors i can’t even mention them all in an specific order. All of the actores that took part of this movie had each of them  a perfect role. Ejiofor showed that he is capable of doing everything that he is faced with, as well as Fassbender and Lupita. I have to admit that i was with my mouth open in most of the movie because i just felt so frustrated and wanted to do something to help them, but at the same time you realized that if they actually DO something, everything just goes worse and worse. It is such a mouving story, and i will be even more frustrated if it doesn’t win anything.

GRAVITY: Starred by Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. Not a real story.. luckily.  Apart from all the cinematography and photography of the movie, i did not like it very much. The story is not very consistent, at the beginning it really makes you nervous but from the middle of the movie on, it was kind of boring. The only thing that kept me motivated to finish it was all the fotography about the space, which may i say it is JUST AMAZING. Moreove, i think that neither Sandra and George makes justice to the movie. Their acting wasn’t really good.

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET:

  Starred by Leonardo DiCaprio.. Do i need to say more? Again, a true story.

So i particulary kind of like the movie, i mean Leo does an AMAZING job, and i really believe he deserves an award, but i think that there were some mistakes in the movie, as for example the lenght. It was way to long, and there were in my opinion a lot of scenes that did not add anything to the story, and also a lot of things repetead that could also be avoided. Less is more, and i think it could have been much better had it been shorter and maybe better explained, because there were things that were at a loss.

HER:  Starred by Joaquin Phoenix, Amy adams and  Scarlett Johannson. I felt in love with this movie in the moment that i started watching it. It is so different from the others, and so different from all the movies i have seen before.  I felt  so melancholic and kind of sad in so many part of the movies, but i think this is a good thing because it shows how touching a movie can be. And also it presents a futuristic world, that as the day go by it might not be so crazy if some of this scenarios happen. There are so many parts and quotes of this movie that i love so much. Moreover, i think that the performance of Phoenix is astonishing, he had pretty much to talk on a phone (well, walk with himselft because he used headphones) and he did an amazing show, as well as Scarlett who only make an appeareance with her voice, and though he did a fantastic job too. Another movie that deserves all the awards.

Now let’s move on to the Categories, in which i will say which one iu would like to win:

BEST PICTURE: “Her” or “12 Years a Slave”

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE: Matthew McConaughey or Leonardo Di Caprio

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE : Meryl Streep or Judi Dench

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Michael Fassbender or Jared Leto.

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Lupita Nyong’o or Jennifer Lawrence.

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM: “The croods” or “Despicable me 2”

CINEMATOGRAPHY: “Gravity”

COSTUME DESGIN: “American Hustle” or “The Great Gatsby”

DIRECTING: Steve McQueen or David O. Russell.

FILM EDITING : “Gravity” or “12 Years a Slave”

FOREIGN  LANGUAGE FILM: “The great beauty” or “The Hunt”

MAKE UP AND HAIRSTYLING: Dallas Buyers Club

MUSIC-ORIGINAL SCORE: “Philomena” or “Her”

MUSIC- ORIGINAL SONG: “Let it go” or “Ordinary Love”

PRODUCTION DESING: “The great Gatsby” or “Gravity”

SOUND EDITING: “The Hobbit: The desolation of Smaug”

SOUND MIXING: “The Hobbit: The desolation of Smau

VISUAL EFFECTS: “Gravity” or “The Hobbit: The desolation of Smaug”

WRITING- ADAPTED SCREENPLAY : “Philomena” or “12 years a Slave”

WRITING- ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: “Her” or “Dallas Buyers Club”

So.. this are my favorites and predictions. Write yours in the comments. Let’s see who wins on Sunday!

Meant to be

Today at college i read a text that was titled “Meant to be”.

The text was about a woman who couldn’t get a taxi one night after work so she had to take to tube to get home, she was sitting in the tube and a man felt asleep in his shoulder so the man in front of her, who was staring (and she thought he was nice) kick the man so that he stop sleeping in her arm. When she got up, he put a number with his phone in her pocket.

But he couldn’t let her go, so he follow her and asked her if she wanted to have a coffee. She said yes, they went to her apartment and have a coffee. When he left, he realised he had written not his phone number, but his ex-gilfriend number. So he was pretty ashamed, but he had her number though. When he was heading home, he slipped and fell off the stairs, knocking himself out. As he was unconscious when in the hospital, the nurse looked for a phone number to call in his pocket, and she found the woman’s number. So they call her, and he dashed to the hospital.

They went dating for a few weeks, and then they got married. They are still married.

What this story tries to say is that, there is some kind of force that we may called destiny that makes thing happen for a reason.

I mean, it was by chance that one night she couldn’t get a cab so she had to go home by tube? It was by chance that they were sitting in front of in the tube and they fancied each other? It was by chance that even though he had written the wrong number he fell of the stairs and had another chance to see her?

Sometimes, i do believe in destiny. It’s one of those things that i believe only when it happens, because it’s really hard to believe that someone makes things happen for a reason if i never see them actually happening. But we were discussing this in class, and both the teacher and a companion told a story of two things that happened to them that were completely by chance and work of the destiny. Not only that, but it was the way they met they actual cuople too.

Story number one:

Let’s call my companion F. So F was waiting for a friend in the door of the shopping mall, a guy approaches her and asks what time is it, she answers and tehn he starts talking about random things. He had to go so he gave her his facebook account. When F arrived home, she added him because he seemed like a nice person. They started to talk everyday on facebook and they got on really well. One night, he calls her that he wanted to interview her in his radio show. So she went. But when she arrived he was drunk. There was a friend with him who was really angry because he had been drinking and he stormed off leaving her alone with him.. drunk. She had to do the show on her own because he couldn’t even speak. When the show ended, she took him home and leave him there. The following day, he called saying sorry and if she wanted to go out for dinner. So she did, after that they started dating.

Story number 2:

Let’s call my teacher T. T had had an arguement with her boyfriend and had deleted his number. But when she found out about something, she wanted to say something so she typed his number as she remembered it and sent it. What happened, was that it was his boyfriend number. So she started talking to this person who had received this angry message and they started chatting. It results that it was also a boy and from her same age, so they started talking about their interests and other stuff and they had the same likes, so tehy met one day. And from then on, they started dating until now.

In conclusion, when i heard about this stories i kind of gave destiny another chance. Maybe i don’t believe because it has never happened to me. But now that i know that these to stories actually happened, maybe i’ll give it another chance. (Although i still believe that thing should happen because someone makes an effort, and not just by chance)

So.. what do you think about this? Do you believe in destiny or you think that we are the ones who make things happen? Let me your opinion in your comments!

PD: I’ll leave here a couple of images i found on tumblr when i was finding for other stories about this topic. Hope you enjoy them!

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A lot of movie reviews

The past week i reunited with my friends that i met in London so everything we did was basically stay in one of my friend house in the middle of the countryside away from everything, just talk all day long, sing, listen to music, swin in the swimming pool, play board games, get drunk and watch two movies per day.

I really wnat to talk about this movies because some of them are really great and others.. a bit dissapointing. I’m just going to mention them and make a quick review to give my opinion. You can leave yours in the comments 🙂

Movie N°1: “Angus, thongs and perfect snogging”

I know, when you read it you probably thought it is porn realted. ITS TOTALLY NOT. I watched this movie a few years ago when i was like 15 and i felt so identify because it was about teenagers, and now that i watched it again because my friends hadn’t seen it and I HAD TO WATCH IT. I laugh like 80% of the movie, because some scenes are so embarrasing and you feel kind of pitty for the protagonist (played by Georgia Groome) and you want her to be happy. It is really funny and so unknown i really believe more people should watch it, just to have a laugh and enjoy an alternative movie.

Here is the trailer of the movie:

Movie N°2:  “The Shining” 

This is a really well-known horror film by the majestic director Kubrick, and also and adaptation of the Stephen King book. I think there aren’t many things i could say about this movie because it’s just superb and magnific. Jack Nicholson performance is stunning i mena, you just look at his face and it tells you everything, it made me want to cover my face because i just couldn’t stand looking at him in some scenes. And also Danny Lloyd, god that boy (well, now its an adult) knows how to keep the tension with his eyes. It was so perturbing to see him staring and with his eyes wide open. I do not usually watch horror films unless i’m with friends, but i can say this is the best horror film i have ever seen.

Here it is the trailer of the movie:

Movie N°3: “Carrie (2013) “

Yes, we did a horror movie marathon the second day.. but i must say this wasn’t a horror movie at all. I was expecting a really good movie,because of the cast and that it’s a adaption from, again, a Stephen King book. I basically stared at the tv without any emotion throughout most of the movie, and throught the end i almost felt asleep. So i just wanted to say that the only good about the movie was Ansel Elgort and the fact that i had a laugh because of the crappy effects. Once again, remakes aren’t good.

Here is the trailer:

 

Well, we watched another few movies but i’m quite tired and this were the ones i had a stronger opinion on. I’m going to do another post about movies that are nomitad in the Oscars right away so see you soon.

 

Ways of reading

Today i feel like talking about reading for pleasure and for obligation, in my case of course.

Whenever i read a book i like, i take no longer than a week to finish it. And i usually can’t stay away from the book and i stay awake all night long if i have no clasess just to finish the book because i love reading for pleasure.

But on the other hand, when i have to read for obligation, i mean for an exam/school/university etc, i just find reading so heavy . Take my place now as an example, i have to read 5 novels, 3 short stories and some essays for my exam at university. If i pass the exam, i enter university. The exam is on March and i have been reading one of the novels since new years eve. I just find it so difficult to read a book in which i’m not interested, i just have a tone of books i want to read and i can’t because i have to read these boring novels. I’m not saying this are bad books because there are parragraphs beautifully written and i kind of like some parts but it’s not what i would like to be reading, soi just wanted to write about this because i’m frustrated.

I want to stop reading this book and read all the books i have in stand by. Nothing to think about in this post, just a complain to my life in this moment.

Luckily, i’m reuniting with my friends that  met in London last year, so at least i won’t have to read it for a week or that. I can’t wait to finish the book, but not because i want to know what happen..

 

 

Sum up.

I’ve been absent on here for several reasons, the first is that i’ve forgotten my password and of course i freaked out andi couldn’t enter but then i remembered it, but i had no longer internet connection so i couldn’t log in.

Another reason is that i went away on summer holidays to celebrate new year with my mum, and then i went on holidays with my friends and after that, with my dad and siblings.

So OK, i will do a short sum up of everything that happened in this weeks because there are some events that are quite long so i will just sum it up for you.

1. I spent New Years Eve with my mum, her husband an two friends of them in a city in the beach, and we went to the beach to see the fireworks – i do not like fireworks because of animals and all that, but this was a complete show and i actually for the first time in years i enjoy it. – Here is a picture i took:

1555570_10202996377698268_862729499_n

2. The Following day, the 1st of January i went to a village nearby where my friends from school were staying, so we rent an apartment for the nine of us and we stayed there. We went out every night and went to the beach by day. Everything was cool, we get on well, they are not my best friends but until that moment we had a nice relationship due to all the years that we’ve spent together at high school.

3. As i said above, everything was fine until day 4. I got drunk- well, every night, but that night maybe too much- so three of my friends – my best friends and two other girls that  used to be my friends- had to take me to the hotel because well, i just couldn’t be in the club anymore. My best friend had no problem with going back with me to the hotel, but the other ones.. got so fucking mad. I swear i never asked them anything because i knew we no longer had a good relationship due to other things that had happened in the past. But it was like if the excuse of going with me, it was THE excuse. The matter they were waiting to happen to they could freely talk bullshit about me i mean they called me stupid, son of a bitch, idiot, they even tried to hit me. I mean if you are my friend, how mad can you get because you just aren’t going to go ut for ONE FUCKING NIGHT.  They make sure they said all this crap about me to everyone of my friends and they boyfriends. I mean, what did i do to you? I am still so angry and i don’t get it.

4. The following evening, my friend and i announced that we were leaving to our town because we couldn’t stand being there anymore. They asked her why and try to keep her there. They didn’t even asked me. So for me, that means they don’t care if i’m either there or gone. They didn’t talk to me. Only 2 of them didn’t ignore me all day long. It was just so horrible.

5. Afther that, i went away at evening and none of them was there to say goodbye i mean they went to the beach and i texted them and tell them we were leaving at 7. None of them appeared. At 8 o’clock i received a message it said “sorry we didin’t told you goodbye but we were on the beache. Hope we didn’t make you feel that uncomfortable” SO OKAY, THANK YOU FOR A MISERABLE TEXT. Only one of my friends texted me to say anything. And i was the one who was going so why should i speak to them and tell them “hi, sorry to bother you but i just wanted to tell you why i left” I believe that’s not my job.

6. As i said before i went with my father, who was staying in a town just 30 minutes away, i had a great week with them- that includes my brother my baby sister and his wife – Well i didn’t had a good time with her, but with the rest it was ok. I take advantage of that time and i read a lot and relax.

7. There are a lot of other things that happen like for example… I PASSED MY CAE EXAM!!! I GOT A C, i know is the lowest but it’s such a great mark for me, it was really difficult and to obtain a 66/100 it’s good enough for me. Throughout the year i study really hard and make big efforts to pass most of the practice and mock exams, and to do it it was awesome!! here is a screencap of the statments of my result and my profile:

CAE

Yes i know, i suck at liustenign. but actually, through all the year it was my highest grade (80% ) but in the test i was really tired becasue it was the last paper and also the cd player was horrible you had be sitting next to it to fully understand what the person was saying, such a disappointment u.u

Well, i will coming back sooner.. like tomorrow or at night because i have so many others things to write about but i had to do this sum up becasue i needed it 🙂 Hope it didn’t bored you so much.

Merry -not really- Regenerating Christmas

I took Christmas as an excuse to make a post, because i just really wanted to make a post, but i didn’t have something special to talk about so as everyone is talking about Christmas as usual, well let’s talk about this too.

As a kid from divorced parents, i of course don’t like neither Christmas nor New year. Every year is the same shit. “So who are you spending christmas with? your father or me? And as my father lives half an hour away, it’s not like i can go to both places the same night. So i always have to choose -and this may be one of the reasons of why i always have problems with choosing in my life- and i don’t like choosing at all.

Another reason, is that if i spend it with my father, i have to be with his wife’s family  AND GOD, THIS IS ONE OF THE THING I CAN’T STAND. I MEAN, THEY’RE SO ORDINARY , FALSE AND HYPOCRIT AND UGH I CAN’T EVEN FIND WORDS TO DESCRIBE THEM PROPERLY CAUSE I DON’T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT THEM ANYMORE.

Sorry for the capital block, it just makes me so frustrated the fact that i have to spend Christmas with them, just because i want to be with my father. And the of course, because this wasn’t enough, my mother’s family is always arguing so we almost never spend this holidays together because well, we are all fucked up.

So why should i have christmas spirit ? I was never taught to, i hope that one day when i have a child i can prevent them from situations like this. I’m not blaming my parents, but i just can’t find more than 3 or 4 happy memories from all of my past holidays, and yes, this bring tears to my eyes and maybe i’m being too cruel, and of course exagerated but it’s just how i see things. So holidays- well more christmas, because for new years lately i’ve been trying to go on holiday to another city- are not usually something to be too happy about, just as simply as this. If i want to reunite with my family and celebrate something, i will do it whenever the fuck i want, not when fucking tradition or society tells me that is certain day, i’m not even catholic.

Morever, i can’t avoid to mention THE REGENERATION OF THE DOCTOR IN THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL “THE TIME OF THE DOCTOR” I MEAN BBC, HOW AM I SUPOSE TO CELEBRATE WHEN MATT IS FUCKING LEAVING DOCTOR WHO??????? I mean, i can’t do nothing but watch old episodes and cry, and just wait for the episode to come out and continue crying. Of course i’m anxious to see Peter Capaldi as the doctor but C’MOOOOOOOOOON MATT IS LEAAAAAAAAAVING!!! Ok, i’m going to start crying again.

Grab a lot of tissues, and here is the trailer, just to start crying.

Matt, i’m going to miss you so much!

Stuck In Love (Kind of a review)

Last night, i went to a “end of the year” party, we had fun there was a bubble machine – i love bubbles, i act like a little girl around bubbles- it was fun and all you can imagine, but it was like ok, i was having fun we chat with people, took photos but it was like i was somewhere else, i wasn’t feeling like i belong there it was like i was totally faking my smiles and having these kind of superficial conversations and pretending to care about matters that i didn’t care, and asking questions to show sympathy so as to keep a conversation and not be standing there looking at a wall or whatsoever.

After a few- but long- hours i came back home and i felt so empty, like what the fuck i’m doing with my life.  It’s like i worry to go to places, be sociable, ask people questions about their lives so they can tell me what they were expecting me to ask about while nobody do that with me.

For example, i kind of had an arguement with a friend, well it was more like a passive agressive arguement. We haven’t talked in like 3 weeks, but we act like if nothing had happened and we know that’s not the true. So i follow our “plan” and i ask her things, we chat, take photos with fake smiles, but it is like  i’m the one who is doing an effort. I’m always the one who worries and gives the first step – talking friends, i’m nothing like this with men – so why do i have to keep pretending to be interested if nobody, not even the friends that i have not argued with, worry about me. I feel like if everyone ask “how are you” expecting you say “ok and you?” but sometimes, you ask and all you hear is “well, i’m fine. I  have…..” and neevr ask anything about me. It’s not like i have an interesting life or a lot of things to talk about but it would be nice to see that my friends actually care about me, whatever.

This wasn’t the point of the post. What this is about actually, is that after i came home i felt like this so i decided to watch a movie because i couldn’t sleep. I decided to watch “Stuck in Love” My expectations weren’t very high but i have to say that wow.

Although this is not usually the kind of movie i considered to be moving and touching – this is not usually a characteristic of Hollywood movies- i find it really breath-taking i mean, maybe it was because of my mood, and maybe because they just say what people want to hear, but i really enjoy this movie and Lily Collins have definetely overcame my expectations, i din’t expect her to act well, but i really like her part.

Like always, Logan Lerman was astonishing, ok i have a big crush on him and watching him makes me only wish he was my boyfriend so i’m not really objective here but, i really like his part too and all the lines he had. Another surprise for me it was Nat Wolff, he always act fine but i haven’t seen him in a main role like this, and i really believe he has a great future – can’t wait to see him in TFIOS- and his scene in the car crying OMG it brang tears to my eyees too.

Ok, enough i’m just going to post a few photos and quotes of the movie to which i feel really identify and i really like. I hope you like them too.

 

My favourite quote from the movie and SO ACCURATE:

“I never enjoy anything. I’m always waiting for whatever’s next. I think everyone is like that… living life in fast forward, never stopping to enjoy the moment, too busy trying to rush through everything, so we can get on with what we’re really supposed to be doing with our lives. I get these flashes of clarity, brilliant clarity, where, for a second, I stop, and I think: ‘Wait, this is it. This is my life. I’d better slow down and enjoy it because one day we’re all going to end up in the ground, and that’ll be it. We’ll be gone.’”

Another quote i find really moving:

“I could hear my heart beating. I could hear everyone’s heart. I could hear the human noise we sat there making. Not one of us moving, not even when the road went dark.”

And las but not least, a quote i kind of think it’s quite true (and i’m also afraid that though i don’t want, i belong to the kind of “romantic” person)

“There are two kinds of people in this world. Hopeless romantics and realists… A realist just sees that face and packs it in with every other pretty girl they’ve ever seen before. The hopeless romantic becomes convinced that God put them on Earth to be with that one person. But there’s no God, and life is only as meaningful as you fool yourself into thinking it is. Guys who get laid a lot are realists. Just avoid love at all costs. That’s my motto.”

The poem Rusty wrote for class, and another images of the movie:

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